why I am "for" homeschooling (rather than "against" school)

Plodding through Weigel's biography of John Paul II,  I am struck by the Pope's frequent insistence that decisions (or actions) must never simply be made "against" something negative, but ought to be made "for" something good.

That insightful principle has given me a powerful new tool with which to evaluate decisions I am making as a wife, mother, friend, citizen, etc....  Recently I have had several reasons to reflect on whether or not to continue homeschooling. I have chosen to go forward, after clarifying to myself that homeschooling must never be a decision "against" anything, but a decision "for" something great.

The big buzzword in our family life these days is "parish renewal". Rich's brand new job is all about Church renewal, the New Evangelization, parish renewal - in short, his job involves deeply recognizing that something has gone drastically wrong in our culture, that "religion" is no longer thriving quite as it used to. Something new, something creative and perhaps radical, some attempt to think outside the box is needed; if the Catholic faith is going to flourish in the next generations, parishes must dare to do things differently, even if some choices discomfit those who prefer the same old same old. Without compromising the dogma, depth, beauty or demands of orthodox Catholicism (and its liturgy), parish culture itself must be reimagined; the traditional model is not as powerful in the face of the new culture in which we live.

Reading and talking so often to Richard about "Parish Renewal" has led me to see parallels to "Family Renewal".  The family is faring just as poorly as the Church, or arguably worse. It's a chicken-and-egg situation, and it behooves the one to invest in the other. I esteem homeschooling as a real possibility for "family renewal" - requiring the same courage in scrutinizing how fruitful the "normal model" has been, and demanding the same levels of prayerfulness, humility, commitment, creativity, ambition, passion, prudence and fortitude to try something new.  When I look at the culturally normal and accepted model of family life and child-rearing, I ask myself - I am obligated to ask myself -  how successful has this model been in producing close-knit families that are true schools of love, community, character and faith? Which factors might account for the failures of the Normal American Family? How can I do things differently so as to give my family the best possible chance of being genuinely intimate and close-knit for life, of becoming persons of character and sanctity, of investing in Christ and His Church wholeheartedly? Those are profound questions and I have no guarantee that the answers I am finding are correct.

One consideration that has given me much pause in my reading of the life of Karol Wojtyla: when he lived under Communist rule, he noted that Polish families were kept separated for as many hours a day as possible - husband from wife, mother from child, brother from sister - in a successful attempt to undermine the family. That does not sound so entirely different from the de facto segregation occasioned by the crazy pace and chaotic scheduling of the modern American family: two working parents (who may or may not cohabit); kids scattering in every direction for school; hasty dinners eaten solo; and homework, sports and extracurriculars eating up the nights and weekends. If separation undermines the family so successfully, then will more togetherness have the opposite effect?  Is homeschooling a good method of fostering togetherness? (or is it too much togetherness?) I don't know. It's an experiment. I don't know the outcome yet. I presume it will depend almost entirely on what I do with all this togetherness.......a grave responsibility and not one to be undertaken lightly. Only in rising to that challenge do I satisfy John Paul the Great's instruction to choose for something good. If I'm keeping my kids home for the good of family life, character formation, etc.... then what I do with them all day better actively serve those goals. Not only must I carefully plan and execute for their academic education, but I must be constantly striving for a home life that is joyful, cheerful, peaceful, orderly and an absolutely compelling school of virtue.

Every young Catholic has a responsibility to truly discern religious life, which the Church recognizes as the highest calling and the most perfect (complete) gift of self. We are not all called to become religious (in fact, few are), but if we truly love God, we at least open our hearts to allow Him to call us completely to Himself, if He so desires. In a similar way, I feel obligated each year to discern whether I am called to continue homeschooling my children, which I see as a vocation within a vocation and the most complete gift of self that I can possibly make to my family. My children have been uniquely entrusted to me and no one else loves them (or knows themselves to be accountable for the persons they will become) as I do.  Therefore, as primary educator of my children, if I choose to delegate significant portions of their upbringing to someone else, I am morally obligated to make that decision seriously, after prayerful discernment, well-informed of the personal and cultural influences that will shape my young children outside of our home. Not only what does the school itself purport to do, but who is the teacher who will be in direct authority over my child? do I know of and admire her character & values sufficiently to responsibly entrust a good portion of my child's upbringing to her? is she kind, fair, challenging and just? is she vigilant about the culture of the classroom? what are her deepest attitudes about God and the Church? how much emphasis does she place on these in her private life and in the public life of the classroom? what about the teacher next year? and the year after that? who are the student peers who will tremendously influence my child's tastes and attitudes in nearly every domain? how well has my child internalized our family values and how much maturity does that child possess to lead, rather than be led? These are questions to be dismissed (or answered flippantly) to our collective peril. Adults speak glowingly of the tremendous influence one great teacher had on their lives. Is the reverse true? What is the lesser-noticed impact of mediocre teachers? I don't believe that homeschooling is obligatory for all families, nor that I will certainly homeschool every year of my children's upbringing. Only the discernment seems obligatory to me, given the state of family and culture.

I discerned religious life for two years in my 20's, in a very serious (although very immature) way and determined it was not my calling. I do believe that there are (many!) people who could discern homeschooling and determine it is not for them.  Thank goodness there are so many other options! When I first became a parent, I was open to the idea of homeschooling, but had not made a definite decision. Finances seemed to indicate a long term inability to ever afford Catholic schools and our public school district was unappealing. However, our kids were babies and really it was a moot point. A short time later, while living in New Zealand, I found a Montessori preschool near our house that was absolutely "perfect" by every yardstick I held - and tuition was nearly free. At the time, Maria was 3 years old, Bernadette was not quite 1- and I was newly pregnant. Not only pregnant, I was suffering from pregnancy-related depression and overwhelmed with living in a new country, with abundant missionary responsibilities and a home filled with daily visitors who distracted me mightily from interacting properly with my toddler. It was a hard time. Nine months later I was overwhelmed with caring for a seriously ill newborn, on top of everything else. In those particular seasons of my life, I discerned that sending my eldest child to school was the best thing I could do for her and I was tremendously grateful to have the option to entrust her to such a wonderful little school. Having outstanding schools is important and I have immense respect for all those who are involved in ensuring that that option exists. Our parish school and local Catholic high school are both phenomenal, and both are constantly striving to become ever better. It gives me great peace of mind to know that there are wonderful schools in town, if ever I discern that one child, or all the children, ought to be in school. Homeschooling for me is not about "rejecting" traditional school any more than consecrated life is about "rejecting" marriage and family.

I end with a bashful confession.  Homeschooling is challenging; it is a constant struggle by this imperfect woman to grow in patience, self-giving, self-control, creativity and the ability to be in a fruitful and sympathetic relationship with each child. It is not perfect. It is often messy. Often I wish my kids had more access to peers and microscopes and fine arts. Like all things, it's a trade-off. The microscopes and kilns and band ensembles help keep firmly in my mind the fact that I am not choosing against traditional school, but for family culture. One of the biggest struggles for me (and here's the confession part): often I feel frustrated by all that I can't do because of the immense time and energy demanded by caring for and educating five kids of disparate ages who are all home all day every day. When I recently thought about what I could do with my time if some/many of my kids went to school.....   I thought of the idealistic (more prayer! volunteering! ministry!); the domestic (a cleaner house, more mommy-and-me activities for the baby and toddler); the mundane (a part time job, keeping better in touch with friends); the disappointing, yet very likely (wasting more of my life breath surfing the internet) ...... I realized that, with exception of more prayer time, there is nothing more important, worthwhile, or frankly satisfying than what I am doing, despite all its myriad frustrations. I am possessed of a renewed sense of gratitude that I live in a free country where I am (still) permitted to homeschool, that I have a husband fully supportive of my desire to do so, that I have the education and temperament conducive to succeeding at it,  and lastly, that I do have a firm sense of having a God-given vocation to homeschool.

The experiment continues.

bad religion

The formal review, as promised in yesterday's post.....  (I wrote this for our parish bulletin, which will explain some of the otherwise curious references I make to "our parish", etc....)

Ross Douthat's Bad Religion: How We Became a Nation of Heretics (2012) speaks to anyone who suspects that a decline in religious faith is responsible for the vast majority of our country's problems. It also addresses itself to anyone who believes that the root of our nation's woes is too much religion. Douthat posits that both positions are correct: bad religion is undermining America. Religion done well, he argues, is our sole hope for national health. 

Douthat (who is Catholic) begins by tracing the history of religion in America. After a brief sketch of the religious convictions of the pilgrims, colonists and Founding Fathers, he skims the fluctuations of Christianity in the US through the 1950's.  He identifies the 50's as the seeming Golden Age of American Christianity, but notes that collapse was imminent and delves deeply into the question of why? What pre-existing conditions, what cultural undercurrents, what political events set off fifty years of religious decline in a country that appeared so robustly pious? 

​The subject matter does not make for light reading, but it's a particularly interesting and important topic, given our parish's recent commitment to renewal. "​If it's not broken, don't fix it"....  But, if "it" is broken.... find out why; find out what has been done to attempt repair; find out which repair attempts met with some success and why each ultimately failed. This book provides much of that necessary information. 

Douthat touches on the Civil Rights movement, the emergence of the megachurch, Fulton Sheen, Billy Graham, Ronald Reagan, Barack Obama, the sexual revolution and the sex abuse crisis, parish shopping and organic eating. His scope is broad, peppered with insights sure to challenge some of the political and cultural assumptions each reader holds, while vindicating others. He is especially preoccupied (and unimpressed) with "accommodationist" Christianity, by which he refers to fifty-plus years of attempts to adapt worship and creed to make both more appealing to lukewarm Christians of each decade. (This censure gave me pause. Isn't that what we are attempting at Epiphany? As I continued reading, I was able to confidently answer that fear with a resounding "No"). 

Douthat identifies four major "heresies" on our current cultural landscape. He takes pains to plumb the depths of these popular modern spiritualities and pseudo-spiritualities, explaining (not unkindly) why they are attractive to so many people. These fascinating pages scrutinize figures such as Joel Osteen, Oprah Winfrey and Glenn Beck; they also explore cultural phenomena like Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code and Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat, Pray, Love. Douthat sounds the alarm over a shift towards "the steady conflation of religious belief and partisan politics, to the detriment of both." But perhaps most importantly, he does a solid expose of the "God Within" trend: the fashion of being "spiritual, but not religious" which is so attractive to young people (as well as many of their parents). We would do well to understand the appeal of this "heresy" and Douthat's book is good resource. The concept of God as Light, Being, Creation, the Universe, or the individual's own Highest Thought has been identified by Richard Dawkins himself as "a sexed up atheism," and it is crucial for us, for the sake of our young people, to understand the seduction of this spirituality. Rather than dismiss it as foolish fluff, it behooves serious believers to penetrate more fully into the mindset of those who enshrine "niceness [as] the highest ethical standard". We are speaking of persons who espouse tolerance and embody narcissism, who possess an ever-increasing ability to communicate on social media and a frighteningly diminishing ability to live in community, who have more freedom and less happiness than any previous generation....in a word, this heresy touches nearly all of us - to some extent or another. This is the heresy perhaps most responsible for emptying our pews and breaking parents' hearts. If I want to protect my child from losing her faith and help my neighbor rediscover his, I must have a well-trained ear to notice the (often surprisingly subtle) voices peddling this loose spirituality and I ought to become fluent in my ability to counter its errors. 

Douthat's short conclusion contains his evaluation of possible and popular sources of religious renewal, as well as his descriptions of what renewal ought and ought not look like. He recounts G.K. Chesterton's brilliant insight that time and again "the Faith has to all appearances gone to the dogs [yet always] it was the dog that died."  While Douthat encourages the reader in the virtue of hope, reminding us that America has come through worse times than these and Christianity through much worse, he also cautions "that it would be heresy and hubris to assume that a renewal of either is inevitable." With a touch of humor and a thump of solemnity, he insists, "Jesus never said that the gates of hell would not prevail against the United States of America."  Implied is that it is up to each of us, in our own adherence to authentic religion, to ensure that the gates of hell do not continue encroaching upon that goal.   

Mission to New Zealand, P.S.

This post ought really to be attached to the end of our old blog, because it was inspired by a recent visit from one of the (now grown) youth whom we served during our mission years in New Zealand.

Charlotte came to the States on a "nun run"; believing that the Lord is calling her to religious life, she spent a few weeks visiting various convents across this country (and serving in Haiti as well).  She also got a VERY up-close-and-personal "Come and See" experience of Catholic family life. In fact, it was so up-close-and-personal that I feel utterly confident that her vocation to celibacy was assured by the second afternoon of her nine day stay at Casa Sealy. 

The last time Charlotte spent any time with this family, we were in New Zealand with an almost 5 year old, a 2 year old, a sick newborn and a little one on the way. Now - the eldest in nearly 8 and was delighted to see her old babysitter once again. The former 2 year old is five and a half - she remembers nothing of Charlotte or New Zealand, but was delighted to get reacquainted with both (see below). The sick baby is a miraculously healthy little boy and the "little one" has never been called "little" since he burst out on American soil weighing nearly nine pounds. Plus, we now have another fat baby - our only child with absolutely no claim on New Zealand :(

Charlotte knew exactly the way to their hearts: 

Kiwi "lollies" and "biscuits"

She asked them to help her learn how to play in snow!

They hoped this Kiwi girl would never leave! But, alas, she did. At 4:30 this morning, to be exact. But not before she witnessed a promise made. Rich wants me to start blogging and he extracted a promise from me to post photos from Charlotte's visit and photos of the latest pegs. So, in fulfillment of my word....

Vietnamese Martyr, St Valentine, Queen Esther, St Juan Diego, Our Lady of Guadalupe

Charlotte and I had one lovely evening when she painted a gorgeous Peg of Our Lady and I crafted a St Cecilia, but we hid her peg from the sticky (in every sense) hands of my children before I photographed it.  When she gets home from Haiti, I'll have her email me a photo of her peg and post it in here. 

Charlotte and I also prayed Stations of the Cross with the kids, using the Passion Pegs or Resurrection Peg Set I'd made a few months ago. As each Station was announced, the kids picked out the appropriate pegs, arranged them, and even built appropriate props (like a cross and a tomb) out of wooden blocks. It was the best way I have ever prayed the Stations with kids - by far!  They have been busy with the pegs even when we are not using them for Stations - they've had those pegs act out nearly every part of the latter half of the Gospels. 

Judas arranging to turn Jesus over to the Pharisees

In the Garden of Olives, Peter, James & John witness Jesus betrayed with a kiss

With Pilate

"Behold the Man!"

Veronica & Simon of Cyrene

Maria is so proud of this cunning Cross she built

"It is finished."

At the tomb on Easter Morning

Reinstating Peter on the beach

So, there we go. Up and running after many months. Safe travels to Charlotte and we look forward to welcoming you back to the States - in a habit ;)